You run into an acquaintance: you prepare to kiss them on the cheek, but they extend their hand. You accidentally spit on your conversation partner’s shirt during lunch… All these situations are awkward: they disrupt normally smooth social interactions, and you no longer know how to behave. While awkwardness is unpleasant, it has its virtues: instead of letting it paralyze you, discover what it reveals and how to make the most of it.
Awkwardness is defined by three characteristics: uncertainty about how to behave (or what role to play), inhibition (even paralysis) of action, and the discomfort generated by the situation.
It differs from related experiences such as embarrassment, shame, and anxiety.
Embarrassment occurs when you know you didn’t behave properly, while with awkwardness, you have no reference: you don’t know how you’re supposed to behave.
Shame is linked to a personal sense of failure; awkwardness to a failure of interpersonal synchronization: it’s a collective failure.
Finally, anxiety stems from anticipating future problems, whereas awkwardness happens in the present, forcing you to improvise here and now.
Awkwardness is not synonymous with error, provocation, or rudeness: it reveals a lack of emotional and/or physical attunement between individuals. A conversation is awkward when speakers constantly interrupt each other, or their silences last too long. Similarly, it’s awkward to talk with someone who either avoids eye contact or stares too intensely — or who doesn’t maintain the proper physical distance, either invading your personal space or seeming to avoid contact altogether.
A graduate of HEC and the Master's program in Psychology at Université Paris Cité, Marianne combines her expertise in management and human sciences to produce written content in the fields of higher education, publishing, and corporate communication. She also works as a psychologist.
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