Book synthesis

With all due respect, I disagree

1. #Disagreement:
Understanding underlying behaviors  

In moments of opposition, there are four possible outcomes. Respectful agreement represents genuine alignment—an ideal but rare case. Disrespectful disagreement fuels conflict and hostility between opponents—not recommended. Disrespectful agreement, where you publicly agree while privately disapproving, is equally bad: you’re being dishonest with yourself and others, which fosters passive-aggressive behavior.
Respectful disagreement, where you allow yourself to disapprove while considering the opposing view as valuable, is the desirable approach. It’s not about convincing others you’re right or adopting their ideas, but about expressing your opinion without feeling threatened, anxious, or guilty, while listening with an open mind. This inclusive approach not only reduces tension and strengthens relationships but also refines and enhances your own views by exposing them to new perspectives and information¹.

1. Michael Yeomans et al., “Conversational Receptiveness: Improving Engagement with Opposing Views,” Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes 160 (2020).
2. John Gottman and Julie Gottman, “The Natural Principles of Love,” Journal of Family Theory and Review 9 (2017)
3. Emily Kubin, Kurt J. Gray, and Christian von Sikorski, “Reducing Political Dehumanization by Pairing Facts with Personal Experiences,” Political Psychology 44, no. 5 (2023)
4. American Psychological Association, “Naïve Realism,” APA Dictionary of Psychology, accessed September 11, 2023.
5. Charles Dorison, Julia Minson, and Todd Rogers, “Selective Exposure Partly Relies on Faulty Affective Forecasts,” Cognition 188 (2019).
6. Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson, Pygmalion in the Classroom: Teacher Expectation and Student Intellectual Development (New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1968), 47.
7. Frances S. Chen, Julia A. Minson, and Zakary L. Tormala, “Tell Me More: The Effects of Expressed Interest on Receptiveness during Dialog,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 46, no. 5 (2010)
8. Francesca Gino, “Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Be Divisive,” Harvard Business Review, November 16, 2020.
9. Taya R. Cohen, Charles A. Dorison, Juliana Schroeder, Michael Yeomans, Xuan Zhao, Heather M. Caruso, Julia Alexandra Minson, and Jane Risen, “The Art and Science of Disagreeing: How to Create More Effective Conversations about Opposing Views,” Academy of Management Proceedings 2020, no. 1 (2020)
10. University of Glasgow, “Remembering the Future: Our Brain Saves Energy by Predicting What It Will See,” Medical Xpress, March 24, 2010.
                                      

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