PREPARING TO SAY NO
“No” is a powerful and necessary word, especially in times of overload for you, your team, your boss. But it is also difficult to use, and potentially destructive. To say no without offending the
person you are speaking to, the first step is to prepare.

“The Power of a Positive No” by William URY, Bantam 2007 (And it hasn’t aged a day)
1/ First, clarify your interests
Before saying no, you must discover your personal “yes”. This will provide you with direction and a positive foundation and will provide the energy you need to take action. Your no is not aggressive; it is simply a means to defend yourself.
- Act rather than react: People tend to react and therefore speak under the influence of negative emotions (fear, guilt, etc.). Instead, you should focus on your objective, which is to say yes. Ask yourself what you really want, what is truly important, and what makes you want to say no.
- Overcome your fears: Step back from the things that make you anxious and try to get these feelings under control. Very often, the obstacle to getting what you want is not the actual request but rather your fear of the other’s reaction.
- Elucidate your motives: Controlling your emotions will enable you to identify what truly motivates your “no”. “No” expresses a firm position, a declaration of what you do not want. Hiding behind it are hopes, concerns and values. In other words, what you would like to say yes to.
- Define your interests: Once your motives have become clear, you can start moving toward a goal. Come up with a simple statement that summarizes your objectives, such as “respect” or “family time”. Then ask yourself what solution would best satisfy these needs. As a result, you will be able to turn motives into resolve.
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