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Do you ask yourself the right questions?

Asking questions is the best way to gather information and establish a dialogue. But not all questions produce the same result. Do you ask thoughtful questions whose goal is to uncover facts, thoughts and feelings?

“The scientist is not a person who gives the right answers, he is one who asks the right questions.” — Claude Lévi-Strauss

1 / 10

1. The banal, declarative statement, “It’s cold in this room!” is a question.

True

False

Researchers like Todorov argue that most assertions in everyday life are just roundabout questions. Here you can understand a request for confirmation: “Are you cold too?” Or the question, “What can be done to warm it up?” In this sense, everything is a question. Is the question the epitome of language? That conclusion might be extreme, but keep in mind the decisive role of questioning in interpersonal relationships.

2 / 10

2. Among the trilogy affirm/question/order, the question is the most difficult to pin down.

True

False

The most difficult to pin down and the richest too. Man has three fundamental behaviors (according to the researcher Benveniste): There are those who transmit information (describe the world), who ask something (question the world) and those who give orders (seek to change the world). The question is a link between an assertion and an order; but its place is unstable and unclear, since a question can hide beneath an assertion (“It’s cold in this room!”) or an order (“We’re going to lunch”). In short, questions punctuate, orient, jump-start verbal interactions. The practice of questioning is therefore a real cornerstone of dialogue.

3 / 10

3. Questioning is a responsibility.

True

False

Many failures and misunderstandings are the result of unasked questions. Socrates once said, “I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others.” Perhaps his most important contribution to Western thought is the Socratic method (asking and answering questions), based upon eliminating hypotheses. The best hypotheses are thus founded by clearly identifying and eliminating those which lead to contradictions. The method encourages people to examine their own beliefs and the validity of those beliefs, with the aim of revealing the truth behind appearances. Inspired by this centuries-old model, asking questions and formulating them carefully has become a critical skill in a complex world.

4 / 10

4. To question is to disturb.

True

False

A meeting that ends with the inevitable, “Do you have any questions?” generally obtains the same result: Everyone hides behind their notes. The few who take the floor often prefer to formulate an opinion and not a question. The result: The right questions always come too late, often in writing and after decisions have already been made.

5 / 10

5. To question is to interrogate.

True

False

In general, after you’ve asked a person two or three questions in a row, you prefer to stop, even if you don’t have all the necessary information, because you have the impression that the exchange is veering toward an interrogation. However, your view is based on a misinterpretation of politeness: By assaulting another person with questions, you feel you’re forcing them to reveal information they don’t want to offer. But other people have free will and can decide not to answer you. Your questions may help the other person express ideas, which they might not have done without your questions. Keep in mind that your requests, far from being bothersome, can be conducive to an enriching reflection or discussion.

6 / 10

6. The first thing to keep in mind to avoid any ambiguity is to start with a specific question requiring a specific answer.

True

False

Learn to choose the formulation of your questions according to your goal. Some questions are particularly effective for opening an exchange, initiating a conversation, others allow you to revive a conversation. The first thing to keep in mind when asking questions is to start with open questions, then gradually clarify by moving to more closed questions when you’re looking for more precise information. Open questions call for a developed answer. But, for example, “How?” is a concrete question that requires a structured description.

7 / 10

7. A closed question calls for a concise answer, but can create tension.

True

False

Informative or specific questions – “Who?,” “What?,” “When?,” “Where?,” “How?,” “Which?” – call for a response, usually unique and factual. You may expect precise information, but the response may in fact turn out to be “undisciplined” or polluted by comments not prompted by the question, thus complicating the dialogue and its purpose.

Also be aware that this type of question, used too insistently, could turn into an interrogation. Another danger is that closed questions can lead to questions in response. Conflictual by nature, they can block any further exchange: A person answers a question with another question – defensively or to gain time. At that point, it’s better to explain that the discussion cannot move forward in this manner.

8 / 10

8. The art of questioning is the art of knowing how to be informed.

True

False

Not only. If questions give access to information – it’s still necessary to ask questions and know how to clearly formulate them – the art of questioning allows you to maintain an exchange, not simply to solicit information. Questioning therefore has a regulating function which acts on the communication process, on the movement of the conversation (to deepen, accelerate, revive, change subjects, focus, clarify). This regulatory function requires three qualities: paying attention to others (there is no regulation without the ability to focus on others); demonstrating unfailing rationality (for the clarity of the method and the rigor of the statement); finally, being respectful of the objectives of the exchange (what are we looking for together in this conversation?).

9 / 10

9. “It doesn't seem to interest you ...” is suggestive questioning.

True

False

This is a fine example of suggestive questioning. Another example: “You've finished your work …” or “This salary increase is suitable to you …” This type of statement spurs a conversation, seeking assent without exerting too much pressure. It inspires ideas, and the other person is free to pick up on them or not. This conversational mode encourages the other person to chat, yet while it can result in meaningful responses, it may exert a hidden influence on them.

Some of the most common questions can, under certain conditions, influence the answers. And sometimes, questioning departs from its true role (satisfying a need for information and a desire to communicate) to enter into argumentation and persuasion (through the use of questions aimed at convincing), or worse, be used as weapons in the balance of power (through the use of questions aimed at conditioning).

10 / 10

10. “What got into you?” is actually an exclamation.

True

False

By asking this question, you are attacking the integrity of the person you are talking to. This type of questioning is called a disqualifying question, weakening the other person with reproaches, but also by making them doubt themselves. Disqualifying questions call on the person you are addressing to take responsibility for something deemed unacceptable or wrong (“How can you say that?” “How do you dare present this report?”).

They defy good conscience and put the other person in a state of embarrassment – almost taking away their right to explain themselves if it’s not to defend themselves. They are tactical questions, aimed at manipulation, and result from a desire to gain the upper hand. In such cases, communication falls victim to antagonism. So not all questions are good to ask if you really want to keep the conversation going.

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