The worst conversations result from common mistakes — your own and your team’s. Here are the errors to avoid.
You make it too clear that you are expecting something
Unambiguous, insistent demands will reap only mistrust. Don’t ask for anything. Wait for the other party to offer what you’re expecting as the conversation progresses. If you have to ask, do it later.
You want to put one over on your audience
You want to give your audience the impression that you know more than everybody else (and more than you actually do know). That never works. It’s much better to present yourself as a novice than as an impostor.
You’re seeking the limelight
Egotistical chatterboxes will always put themselves in the spotlight, telling you all about their opinions, recounting personal stories and anecdotes. The purpose of a conversation isn’t to show off, but to bring something extra to it at the appropriate moment
You present yourself as a formidable but humble braggart
Let’s say you have some good news to share but you play it down so you don’t seem boastful. That’s a serious mistake, since this false modesty is a conversation killer. If you have good news, share it.
You « Kissing invisible ass »
Heaping lavish praise on someone who isn’t there is so pompous that it will kill any conversation. If you want to flatter someone, do it in a single phrase.
You beat around the bush
Everything you say should have a purpose, whether it’s to inform, entertain, or persuade. If you get tangled up or bogged down in gossip, you’ll snuff out the conversation. Be brief, be concise.
You ignore body language
Conversation is largely based on nonverbal language. Misreading or ignoring a signal could mean it spins out of control. Learn to understand subtle clues — and it is a skill that can be learned.
You forget about the pause button
Swept along by your own momentum, with one idea following another, you ignore the feelings of your colleagues — who then switch off. Go back to point 7, above, and, most important of all, take a break. Then ask questions — and wait for the answers.
You’re afraid of silence
You’re capable of focusing on a detail that you’ll go on and on about — the weather, for example. If you are driven by the fear of a vacuum, your verbal diarrhea will be a conversation killer. Don’t be afraid of silence, and remember to listen.
You want to give advice at all costs
There’s nothing worse than trivializing a conversation with a suggestion: “All you have to do is…” The result of unsolicited advice is worse than doing nothing at all. Listen and wait until you are asked your opinion.
10 ways to have a better conversation
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don’t converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. “Go out, talk to people, listen to people,” she says. “And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.”
Based on TED Video
Based on
“10 Fatal Mistakes that Kill Conversation”, by Jessica Wildfire, (Medium, december 2019).