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6 key questions – with no tricks – to remind you about the basics of staying grounded so you can avoid being swept away by your emotions or violent conflict.
OPTIMAL, How to sustain Personal and Organizational Excellence Every Day, by Daniel Goleman & Cary Cherniss, Harper Collins, 2023.
You have to obey your inner voice when it criticizes you
True – It alerts you to any potential mistakes or outbursts.
False – You’re not responsible for everything.
Right !
False – Don’t let your negative self-judgments get you too down. Don’t systematically take responsibility for everything that doesn't turn out the way you’d like. Learn how to clear your head: for instance, focus exclusively on your breathing without letting your mind drift into the tide of self-critical thoughts. Make the most of run-of-the-mill micro-moments (when you’re brushing your teeth or switching on the computer) to isolate your dominant emotion: is it positive or negative?
Wrong !
False – Don’t let your negative self-judgments get you too down. Don’t systematically take responsibility for everything that doesn't turn out the way you’d like. Learn how to clear your head: for instance, focus exclusively on your breathing without letting your mind drift into the tide of self-critical thoughts. Make the most of run-of-the-mill micro-moments (when you’re brushing your teeth or switching on the computer) to isolate your dominant emotion: is it positive or negative?
Listen to your body as much as your head when taking important decisions!
True – What your body is feeling points you in the right direction.
False – The signals your body sends you are misleading: you should only trust your reason.
Right !
True – Your body often sends a powerful internal signal when you’re at a major crossroads in your life. It might be positive (well-being) or negative (discomfort), which may provide insight into whether a decision is sound or not – so says the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio. This doesn’t mean you should always make decisions based on impulse, excluding any considered, rational approach, but never dismiss what your body is telling you!
Wrong !
True – Your body often sends a powerful internal signal when you’re at a major crossroads in your life. It might be positive (well-being) or negative (discomfort), which may provide insight into whether a decision is sound or not – so says the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio. This doesn’t mean you should always make decisions based on impulse, excluding any considered, rational approach, but never dismiss what your body is telling you!
Set well-defined priorities and goals so you can forge ahead
True – Your goals bolster your hard work and keep your morale up.
False – It’s a pointless source of additional stress.
Right !
True – Don’t think twice about setting a (realistic) priority you can get done during the day. It will serve as that day’s anchor point – and will also be your reward once you’ve met your goal. You should also set yourself long-term objectives: get to know the steps you need to take to meet them, and gauge your progress on a regular basis – this will enhance your performance and help you soldier on in spite of any pitfalls along the way.
Wrong !
True – Don’t think twice about setting a (realistic) priority you can get done during the day. It will serve as that day’s anchor point – and will also be your reward once you’ve met your goal. You should also set yourself long-term objectives: get to know the steps you need to take to meet them, and gauge your progress on a regular basis – this will enhance your performance and help you soldier on in spite of any pitfalls along the way.
Do you always have to count to ten before reacting to any situation?
True – It helps improve your emotional control.
False – Taking your time before reacting will seem suspicious to the people you’re dealing with.
Right !
True – When there’s an unforeseen problem, an unexpected event, bad news or some form of provocation, your brain is hard-wired to react instinctively and emotionally via fight or flight.
Counting up to at least ten is a way of checking your knee-jerk reactions and avoiding spur-of-the-moment outbursts that you’ll feel sorry for as soon as you come back to your senses. And it’s just too bad if the person you’re talking to has to hang around a while before you get back to them...
Counting up to at least ten is a way of checking your knee-jerk reactions and avoiding spur-of-the-moment outbursts that you’ll feel sorry for as soon as you come back to your senses. And it’s just too bad if the person you’re talking to has to hang around a while before you get back to them...
Wrong !
True – When there’s an unforeseen problem, an unexpected event, bad news or some form of provocation, your brain is hard-wired to react instinctively and emotionally via fight or flight.
Counting up to at least ten is a way of checking your knee-jerk reactions and avoiding spur-of-the-moment outbursts that you’ll feel sorry for as soon as you come back to your senses. And it’s just too bad if the person you’re talking to has to hang around a while before you get back to them...
Counting up to at least ten is a way of checking your knee-jerk reactions and avoiding spur-of-the-moment outbursts that you’ll feel sorry for as soon as you come back to your senses. And it’s just too bad if the person you’re talking to has to hang around a while before you get back to them...
Avoid giving feedback if it’s negative
True – You’ll hurt the other person for no good reason, and they’ll give up listening to you.
False – People need unvarnished feedback to help them progress.
Right !
False – Give frank, transparent feedback… but always be tactful and empathetic. Be strategic: if you only focus on what’s negative, the person in front of you will go on the defensive. If, on the other hand, you take the trouble to point out the positives first, you will energize the other person, and they’ll listen closely to everything you have to say… including the less flattering comments.
Wrong !
False – Give frank, transparent feedback… but always be tactful and empathetic. Be strategic: if you only focus on what’s negative, the person in front of you will go on the defensive. If, on the other hand, you take the trouble to point out the positives first, you will energize the other person, and they’ll listen closely to everything you have to say… including the less flattering comments.
Save your sanity: steer clear of conflict
True – Looking for problems is a pointless exercise when there are already more than enough of them.
False – The ability to move beyond conflict is a key skill that you can work on.
Right !
False – If you become the trusted person who can mediate disputes, it boosts your interpersonal skills, develops your empathy and teaches you to take an interest in the deep-seated motivations of other people. The first thing to do is to build a strong, honest relationship with the two parties who are at loggerheads. You also need to acknowledge their points of view and respect their differences. Next, look for common ground by underlining their shared interests and values. This is excellent training for preparing you to sail through a sea of troubles while remaining level-headed, objective and constructive.
Wrong !
False – If you become the trusted person who can mediate disputes, it boosts your interpersonal skills, develops your empathy and teaches you to take an interest in the deep-seated motivations of other people. The first thing to do is to build a strong, honest relationship with the two parties who are at loggerheads. You also need to acknowledge their points of view and respect their differences. Next, look for common ground by underlining their shared interests and values. This is excellent training for preparing you to sail through a sea of troubles while remaining level-headed, objective and constructive.
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